Buildings Talking ToGether and What They Said
by Lamby Von Lancashire
Summary: This, my poor babies, is my nephew Gingran's latest effort; he's not divinely inspired as is my honeyed darling Fidyldoun. He is younger, but his putrid writings show that Fidyldoun is the only truly gifted member of the McCree family.
1. Gingran's best effort

I really love InuYasha!!!!!! I truly want it and wish that it did belong to me, but it doesn't. Ah. well. The irony that is life. Smilies! =)   
  
Kouga: Sooo... Here we are again.  
  
Kagome: I know it's such a disappointment for you.  
  
Kouga: No! No no no no no... Not at all!  
  
Kagome: Well it's awkward, isn't it?  
  
Kouga: What do you mean?  
  
Kagome: Just that you don't want to be talking to me. Why should you? No one else likes me or wants to talk to me. Especially not buildings like you.  
  
Kouga: That's not true. What's this about buildings like me, anyway?!  
  
Kagome: You know- the kind that are way up the social ladder- or at least like to think they are.  
  
Kouga: Are you saying I'm stuck up? Because I'm not. And I do like talking to you, by the way! I mean, we have known each other for a long time- we even share a website! Why wouldn't I enjoy talking to you?  
  
Kagome: Pshhh... The part of the website about me hasn't been updated in approximately four years. And on the main page of it, it links to a website about building a new convention center. Bringing up the website is not a good example of how good our relationship is. And, by the way, you don't like talking to me. You just want to think of yourself as a  
good, nice building who talks to those less fortunate than itself- you're just so caring that it's overwhelming!  
  
Kouga: You are attacking me without reason. I don't have to listen to this! I could leave!  
  
Kagome: Where would you go? No place but Tokyo would ever accept such a huge monstrosity as yourself as their "center for the performing arts."  
  
Kouga: If that's true, which of course, it's not, I doubt that you could make it out of Tokyo either, my dear. And at least my size is about right for my purpose- you're too small and obsolete, not to mention ugly. And Tokyo appreciates me much more than you- I'll be around for quite some time, while you're going to be torn down soon, I'm sure.  
  
Kagome: You're so stupid. For one thing, I just made that point about me being torn down soon. For another, I'm looking forward to my existence being snuffed out. Every day is an agony for me- every day, I have to face my ugly design and the disdain with which I am treated. It will finally be an end to all the pain of my "life" when I'm gone.  
  
Kouga: It doesn't bother you that no one will mourn your passing? You're so messed up. I guess that's what comes from being the unloved child of Tokyo. I mean, just look at that landscaping! It's awful! All you've got are some depressing, struggling shrubs clinging to the base of your building like pond scum!  
  
Kagome: Don't you understand that your insults don't hurt me? I already know all of this! And if we're going to talk about ugly landscaping, we need look no further than Kouga. You've go some large trees and some ugly, dusty, and short shrubs, but nothing much to speak of. The context of the building is the interesting thing. There's nothing nearby to detract from your "majesty." {snickers} That means that all that surrounds you is flat concrete, leaving you in the middle, looking rather out of place.  
  
Kouga: Well, your insults don't hurt, either.  
  
Kagome: Yes they do! All you ever get are compliments from butt-kissing houses in Oakwood, and maybe the odd rebuff from the Mecca Restaurant. You never get insulted, so when it does happen, it hurts you because you don't have to deal with it regularly.  
  
Kouga: I don't get rebuffed by the Mecca Restaurant! We're good friends!  
  
Kagome: Oh please. You wish that you two were good friends! You're trying so hard to be cool and artsy that when you come upon the real thing, you try to get close to it so that people will associate you with them.  
  
Kouga: Lies, lies, and more lies.  
  
Kagome: You'd like to think so, wouldn't you? Well, then, what about your windows? There's so much glass off to the sides that it leads to this minimalist feel, and that is not reflected in the rest of the building. The original part of you is a traditional, marble, Roman-inspired building, not at all spare like the additions and the landscaping. This conflicting  
tone makes you look, forgive the slang, "pretty weird."  
  
Kouga: You're in no place to judge! I mean, at least I have windows! All you've got is some windows at the front- none to the sides. And what about the display of your name?! It's frosted onto a window that's far off to the left. It makes you look even more off-center and neglected, as if you needed that.  
  
Kagome: I'm in the best place to judge. I don't care at all about my status or the my design- which I had no control over. The main part of your building oversaw the renovations. I have nothing to lose and nothing to gain- right now, I'm giving you the most objective opinions that you'll ever get. So listen up, bucko.  
  
Kouga: I think you might care about your status more than you think. Otherwise, why would you be so angry about your life and lash out at others?  
  
Kagome: {gasps} Oh my goodness! You've actually made a good point! How did that happen? It must have been an accident. {laughs}  
  
Kouga: I've had enough. I hope that we never meet again.  
  
Kagome: Likewise, m'dear. Likewise.  
  
Wasn't that great?! Review! Review! And.... review! Thanks to Uncle Lamby for the inspiration and for letting me go with only a beating and three weeks on bread and water! I'll try to remember not to open your bedroom door without knocking ever again. I promise! Apologze to Roxie for me. 


	2. Sorry for all of the commotion

This is quite terrible, everyone. I have had to prematurely upload a new chapter in order to speak to the idiot that dares say my Gingran's pablum is, and I sadly quote, ...truly a very good piece of writing. Ugh! My heart seizes when plebeians dare utter such pure stupidity in the hallowed halls of dear fanfiction. net! (Even I, however, cannot agree with fanfiction. net's indiscriminate behavior when it comes to posting twice on the same chapter. Does it not seem, faithful readers, that the writer [or luckily, in this case, the mere and reluctant conduit for the writer] should be able to post more than once on the reviews board?! Such a genteel and lovely person as myself might have need of clearing up inaccuracies in reviews and such!) Instead, I found that I was obligated to pen this sub-par ficlet myself in order to respond to the idiocy of the so-called (But truly I say to you, what can one expect when its brilliant, if rushed, writer had only bits and pieces of stolen time to write it in? It has not had a proper incubation period!) Still, I am sorry to inconvenience all of my dears that flocked to my page, excited about a new chapter. Please forgive your humble servant!  
  
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After a fine brushing and styling by the gruff warden, Sesshomaru rolled up his... ahem... fluffy thing, and got back to his meal, a glorious Jell-o mold and a hearty smattering of ham grits. It had been hard on him before, when he was first transferred to the criminally insane wing of the S.H.A.P. (or Sensational but Hapless Aching Perverts) facility on Planet 5 for the horrendous crime of offering a warm and welcoming home to Rin. He had since grown used to his rough environs and was beginning to feel that he belonged with his fellow falsely accused prisoners.  
  
I now well know how that fox of a dollie Lamby feels- what with everyone on The Internet always calling him a pervert and whatnot for admiring and only wanting the best for his ambrosia muffin, Fidyldoun. It's enough.. to make.... a man... go... CRAZY! he erupted from the very depths of his soul, ripping out clumps of his fuzzy lavender scalp.  
  
Sesshomaru had been taken into custody by the Intergalactic Task Force For Odd Occasions (ITFFOO) after they had been alerted to Possible Perversions by various purveyors of Inu Yasha fan fiction. None of the things that the upstanding gentleman had done with the delectable Rin were actually against the law, I dearly wish to assure my pampered readers. He was truly a fine man of simple pleasures whose success drove others to the jealous lengths of libel. ITFFOO decided to take no chances, however, and sentenced Sesshomaru to a horrid life of imprisonment and slave labor, selling antique sea chests and knockoff perfumes door-to-door.  
  
They seem intent on making me look horrible as well, our hero ruminated, looking in distaste at his woolen tie-dyed togs and braided fluffy thing. He was lucky at least that this warden had a fetish for fluffy things and had not demanded that it be chopped off immediately as many other wardens did. The only drawback was that the wanton warden would daily demand that Sesshomaru unfurl his fine furry attachment, allowing the older man to lovingly stroke it and style it as he wished.  
  
Just then, an errant asteroid popped out of the sky, bringing the Apocalypse with it. The End.  
  
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Actually, on a second reading, I have discovered that my writing is bold and brilliant. I will be very upset (and will most likely take immediate offensive action) if one and all do not read and review. Now.


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